hate, love envy, need
by chocobo.lolz
Summary: Shawn knows Lassiter is jealous of him, he's just not sure why... Shassie onesided. written for high noon-ish episode 4x03 sorry for terrible title


_I'm not sure how I feel about this fic but I had to write it after seeing the episode high noon-ish.  
...because they are obsessed with each other_

* * *

Shawn knew Lassiter was jealous of him.  
He knew he hated him.  
Who could blame him?  
With Shawn waltzing into the police station taking over the head detectives newest big case.  
Solving it before him.  
He was basically taking his job.

Shawn understood why Lassiter hated him,  
but he could never understand why he was jealous.  
Yes, Shawn took the cases from him.  
Yes, he solved them before the detective could.  
but he wasn't a part of the team.

He wasn't a cop, (like his father wanted.)  
He was the annoying consultant who referred to the real cops by ridiculouse nicknames,  
like Lassy.  
Lassy.  
Really, Shawn was Lassy.  
Finding the boy who fell in the well then barking for help. (although he'd have to say his way of communication was a bit more glamorous-if not entertaining--than barking)  
He's the one who found trouble, found help.  
He was the one who got the credit, but they,  
they're the ones who actually did something.

Shawn could never understand why Lassiter was jealous of him because, to Shawn, Lassiter was too much of a hero.  
Shawn solved cases but he needed help.  
If (when) he got himself in trouble and found himself dangerously close to the bad guy and their gun, he needed the police to save him.  
He needed Lassiter.

To Shawn Lassiter was Strong.  
He meant protection.  
Safety.  
He was... amazing.  
He handled emergency so professionally,  
like it was nothing,  
like it was what he was made for.

Solving murders,  
arresting bad guys,  
chasing killers.  
Running after them,  
driving after them,  
shooting at them.

It was all so exciting  
yet so terrifying,  
most could manage dealing with it,  
but them, they thrived in it.  
They felt the rush of excitement,  
the thrill of the fear  
but to them it was _familiar_.

And Lassiter,  
Lassiter was the best.  
Before Shawn came along he was the one solving crimes left and right.  
He was the hero.  
And Shawn admired that.

Lassiter wanted Shawn's ability to solve cases so quickly,  
he wanted to be the one to impress everyone.  
Lassiter was jealous of Shawn.  
Lassiter wanted to be Shawn.

Shawn wanted Lassiter's safety,  
his strength,  
his ability of being such a great cop.  
but Shawn wasn't jealous of Lassiter.  
Shawn didn't want to be Lassiter.  
Shawn just wanted him.

Shawn wanted him to engulf him in his safety, in his strength.  
Shawn wanted him to want to cup his face with those hands, instead of wring his neck.  
Shawn wanted him to throw him up against the wall out of lust, instead of anger.  
Shawn wanted him to whisper sweet nothings into his ear, instead of threats.

But Shawn knew he could never have him.  
Lassiter could never love him.  
He hated him to much.  
But to Shawn that was better than nothing.  
It was passion.  
..in some form.  
It was the closest he'd ever get.

Shawn couldn't get the attention he wanted from him,  
but at least he got some attention.  
He was the one who made the professional, neutral expression on the man's face change.  
although he was filling the man with anger,  
hate.  
He couldn't help it.  
He needed to make him feel something,  
to know he noticed,  
to know that to him Shawn mattered.  
Even if the only matter he was,  
was a thorn in Lassiter's side.

To Lassiter it was just tension, to Shawn it was sexual tension.  
To Lassiter it was harsh words, to Shawn it was flirting.  
To Lassiter fighting, Shawn dancing.  
Lassiter intruding, Shawn consulting  
consulting, courting.  
glaring, staring.  
rivalry, connection.  
hate, love.  
envy, need.

For so long Shawn had become accustomed to feeding the fire that was his love's hatred,  
thinking it was the only flame the man could ever possess for him,  
when all of a sudden a new side is revealed to him.  
A side he knew existed,  
but never thought he could be apart of.  
Lassiter's happiness.

And there it was in front of him,  
an old friend,  
a father.  
So desperately introduced to him,  
and just when Shawn was about to prove that he could be apart of his happiness,  
could preserve it,  
protect it.  
Shawn finds it being taken away,

and Lassiter's professional stone expression is broken once again,  
changed in a way Shawn could never change it.  
A way Shawn never wanted to change it.  
And now all Shawn wanted was to make it better again.  
Needed to make it better again.

But it wasn't Shawn who fixed it.  
It fixed itself.  
Shawn solved the case,  
but the case wasn't what mattered anymore.  
He didn't clear the Sheriff's name,  
and he didn't save Sonora.  
But Carlton was still happy.  
So Shawn was too,  
He just wished that it could of been him that made Lassiter happy.

* * *

_wow writing paragraph 11 almost killed me ..very cheesy.  
I hope you liked it anyway.  
I may add a Lassy chapter (depending on whether or not my muse comes back from the dead)__  
Reviews are absolutly lovely. They honestly make my day._


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